Straight Talk on Twin Flame Relationships

It’s time for some no-nonsense straight talk on one of the most captivating, exciting, but also crippling, themes in the spiritual community - the concept of twin flame relationships.

Let’s start with a brief overview of the topic of twin flames. This is a topic that has garnered a lot of attention within the spiritual community, understandably so.

Essentially, the idea is that for some people, there is a romantic partner out there that is as near of a perfect match as can be, on all levels, most notably, spiritually.

Twin flames have been marketed to the spiritual community as “the One” on spiritual steroids. Some believe the twin flame relationship to be the most ideal and perfect relationship there could possibly be.

But, the fact of the matter is that many go through great suffering trying to make it work.

Upon encountering a twin flame, there is usually an instantaneous fiery connection and attraction. This connection deepens very rapidly. There is a strong feeling of everything being absolutely perfect.

Now this might sound like the beginning of most romantic relationships, except with twin flames, there’s a significant spiritual component involved as well.

Great synchronicity, mystical phenomena, altered states of consciousness, energetic shifts, chakra experiences, and other spiritual magic often occurs within the context of the relationship.

All of this can be a great build up of immense hopefulness for those involved, who likely have spent their whole lives seeking out such an apparently perfect partner.

And then, the rug gets pulled out from under their feet, things begin to unravel and their shadows become exposed.

Almost as quickly as things began, they start to fall apart as all of the insecurities, trauma, conditioning, and outdated beliefs begin to surface as a result of being triggered by the sudden onset of relationship challenges.

What was once shaping up to be a spiritual fairytale turns into total chaos.

Through these challenges, which usually involve a separation between the two twin flames, they are each forced into a deep and intense period of purification and personal transformation, ultimately culminating in the cultivation of a profound, sustainable self-love within themselves as individuals.

So far, I’ve found all of the aforementioned points that I’ve shared about the concept of twin flames to be valid, generally speaking.

However, some say that twin flames are meant to eventually reunite and live out the rest of their days together, having both completed their healing and purification process, now oozing with unconditional self-love, ready to serve others as a sort of awakened, ascended, healed spiritual power couple.

Well, that’s the point that I have found is most likely not the case for nearly all twin flames. The idea of an eventual reunion is something that I want to demystify today.

There are far too many going through the purification process, after having had a very intense romantic encounter with a twin flame before it all went haywire, hoping that one day they will eventually live happily ever after together.

This happily ever after fantasy is, in most cases, exactly that. It’s just a fantasy. It’s not the goal of the twin flame encounter, it’s not the pinnacle, or the point of it all.

So let me make this clear: The twin flame encounter is meant to catalyze your growth, expansion of consciousness, and embodiment of self-love. Period. That’s it.

It’s not meant to have a fairy tale ending where both partners reunite. This may happen in very rare cases, but let’s just assume that it won’t.

My intention today is to snap you out of this idea, if you happen to be going through this kind of point on your personal spiritual journey.

Allow me to be a little reflexive and share a bit about my own experience with you. I’ve gone through the twin flame journey myself. About 7 years ago, through synchronicity, I was led into a romantic relationship that had all of the classic signs of a twin flame dynamic.

Things were incredibly mystical, intense on all levels, and spiritually charged. The relationship was short-lived and only spanned about two months but within that time, it went really deep, really quickly. Towards the very end, I experienced a dramatic Kundalini rising.

Twin flame encounters are rare and a Kundalini awakening is rare too, but Kundalini awakening within the context of a twin flame relationship is even more rare. But it is a hallmark of a genuine twin flame encounter. And this is what happened to me. Not all twin flame encounters involve Kundalini, but some certainly do.

Very soon after the Kundalini rising, the relationship fell apart. I was heartbroken and I entered into an intense period of emotional purification, spiritual expansion, and transformation.

During this process, I practiced unconditional self-love by being totally accepting of whatever I was feeling or thinking, without judgment or denial.

Throughout this healing process, I began to discover the notion of twin flames, which I actually hadn’t known about previously. And that’s when I began to get drawn into the fantasy of an eventual reunion and a happily ever after ending.

I was very vulnerable, desperate, needy, and hurting. I was exploring all sorts of material about the idea of twin flames. There were charts, infographics, videos, and blog posts, and people you could hire to do energetic readings, and all sorts of stuff propping up the fantasy that twin flames are meant to be reunited one day.

But then, I came across one piece of content that stated, point blank: the notion of twin flames finally living happily ever after again is not real.

And immediately, it shook me awake. I snapped out of the delusion and felt so liberated to know that I could let the relationship go, move on, and allow my life to move forward instead of clinging so desperately to the fantasy as if things couldn’t ever get any better than what I had experienced with my twin flame.

And then, after I had reached relative stability within my own self-love and healing process, I connected with someone else, my soulmate. And things certainly did get better. We’ve been together ever since, in a very meaningful, exciting, loving relationship.

Please understand, I’m debunking the twinflame fantasy not because I’m jaded or hurt by what happened to me in the past. I look back in appreciation and gratitude for the growth that the experience inspired.

If you’re going through some difficulty with someone whom you’ve recognized is your twin flame, I’m inviting you to give yourself permission to let it go. Eventually, you can find a soulmate.

A twin flame comes to reflect back to you the love that you have not yet given yourself. A soul mate reflects back the love to you that you have given yourself.

This is a generalization, and it’s not black and white, but that’s a good way to look at it. There’s a soulmate out there for you, and you can meet them and it will be smooth and awesome, once you’ve established a foundation of self-love within yourself.

Twin flames are like fireworks. Flashy and intense, but short-lived. Soulmates are like a searing hot bed of coals, which is actually the hottest part of a fire, which stays hot for a long, long time.

So if you’re in the midst of this sort of situation, feeling heartbroken, betrayed, or abandoned, whether it’s by someone whom you recognize as your twin flame or not, here’s some insight and practices to help you work through these challenges.

First and foremost, self-love is the answer. Our kneejerk reaction to hearing this is usually, why can’t other people just love me, why do I have to do it myself?

Well, it’s because we have a source of love and fulfillment within us that we have access to at all times. Other people can do their best to love us, but of course, they’re not always with us in the way that we are always with ourselves.

We can’t rely solely on other people to fulfill our need for love. We have to provide for ourselves too.

Self-love looks like giving ourselves full unconditional permission to think, feel, or experience anything that may arise within our body-mind-spirit system without judgment, suppression, denial, or escapism.

Self-love looks like speaking kindly to ourselves, affirming our worthiness, and healing our wounds from the past.

Self-love looks like treating yourself in the way that you wish others would treat you, by doing and saying things to yourself that you wish others would do and say to you.

Self-love is giving ourselves the attention that we would give to our own child.

This is how we heal and overcome the hardship of relationship challenges and heartbreak. This is how we evolve into a person that is capable of entering into a deep and meaningful relationship without all the pain and hurt.

Next, when dealing with these difficult relationship dynamics, we have to understand that we shouldn’t be dependent on another person’s process. Sometimes, we can blame others by saying or thinking things like, “if only they were more conscious, things would work out better”.

This form of passing the buck is common amongst spiritual people at certain points on the path, especially when looking at things through the twin flame model.

We may recognize that other people are behaving in unfavorable ways due to their unresolved trauma and conditioning and so we may want them to heal so that they can better relate with us.

Usually when we’re thinking this way, we are completely overlooking our own shortcomings and the work that we need to do ourselves.

Now, let’s talk a bit about getting triggered. We can look at being triggered from two points of view. From a perspective of victimhood or a perspective of empowerment.

When we look at getting triggered through the eyes of a victim, we resent the other person for what they’ve done, and we deny, suppress, or escape our feelings as a result of it.

When we look at getting triggered through the eyes of empowerment, we see that though the experience may not be comfortable, each trigger is an invitation to heal.

People in our lives trigger us as a means to help us to heal and let go of the bottled up pain and conditioning that we carry. When we’re triggered and painful emotions, thoughts, and feelings arise, they are arising to be released. If we allow this process to unfold, we actually go through a healing as a result of being triggered.

Twin flames are notorious for triggering each other in very intense ways. I invite you to consider that the same synchronicity and universal intelligence that orchestrated all the wonderful things in your life, maybe even connecting you with your twin flame initially, is the same synchronicity and universal intelligence that orchestrates the drama, triggers, and healing cycles too.

When pain arises, it’s not because something has gone wrong. It’s because you’re going through a healing process. If you understand this, you can snap out of victimhood and find yourself in a state of empowerment in which you understand how this game is played and from that point, it gets easier.

Taking space is very important when going through an emotional healing cycle. Sometimes, we don’t want to take space. We want to talk things out with others. This is healthy at times, but understand that space is very important too.

Usually, if one person within a relationship has pushed you away or asked for space, it means they need it. It also means that you need it too, whether you’ve consciously recognized that or not.

Going back to the topic of synchronicity, during a twin flame relationship, intense, overwhelming amounts of profound synchronicity can begin to show up. I’m not talking about just texting each other at 11:11 everyday.

I’m talking about extremely thick plotlines that could be turned into a Hollywood blockbuster.

When the relationship gets difficult and the time comes to let it go, we can sometimes cling to the synchronicity and use it to justify how we are meant to eventually be reunited.

Well, no matter how complex the synchronicity may get, it ultimately boils down to one simple thing - it’s a sign from the universe that you were on the right track the moment you noticed it. That’s all you really need to know about it.

There’s not much use in going back into the past like a detective and trying to decipher the synchronicity you experienced as if it will have clues about how to finally live happily ever after with your twin flame.

All it meant back then was that you were in the right spot and to keep going. You can let the stories you may have woven around the synchronicity you’ve experienced go.

I want to also put out a disclaimer here to avoid getting caught up in giving your money away to those people who may claim to be able to do twin flame energy readings and things like that.

Sometimes people claim to be experts at tuning into your twin flame’s aura and communicating with their higher self, or observing what sort of healing work they’re doing, and then relaying that information back to you.

Sometimes this can seem appealing, especially if a twin flame has cut off contact with you.

Those offering these types of readings and services may not have ill intentions and they may genuinely want to help you, but the fact of the matter is, there’s nothing they can offer that’s going to be of much use to you.

If you’re dealing with the type of heartbreak that a twin flame usually leaves you with, you’re very vulnerable and shouldn’t be taken advantage of by anyone claiming to offer specific insight about how to get your twin flame back into your life.

Of course, this is because they’re most likely not meant to be reunited with you. Don’t let anyone string you on like that.

You deserve honesty and that’s my intention with this message.

Sometimes the spiritual path can make us feel guilty for feeling anything besides peace and joy. If you’re going through some difficulties in a relationship, my heart goes out to you. I honor whatever you’re feeling.

Feeling hurt is nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve been there. It gets better.

And how it gets better depends on how deeply and courageously we’re willing to love ourselves.